Wednesday, December 1, 2010

Introspective Mini-Funk

Who am I fooling? Here I had promised to be “real” with you, and then I find myself tippy-toeing around the issues I’m facing, tempted to sugarcoat them. Frankly I am feeling swamped. Too much to do, too little time….

Maybe some of you experience that this time of year. Thanksgiving is over, and the rest of the year flies in double time and ends before you’re ready. Particularly in December I become nostalgic and just want to scream at the clock to STOP, if not just slow down or even rewind a bit. At the very least I want time to stand still for an hour or so while I recover from the jet lag of zooming through seasons of life so fast.

Last week my baby turned twelve. That alone was enough to throw me into an introspective mini-funk. After 25 years of being a mother, I am beginning to see the end in sight. Just like the month of December, I know it’s going to speed by in fast motion. Meanwhile I am mourning the loss of four children who have grown up and moved on.

With so many serious crises in the world and people dying without knowing our Savior, it seems petty to complain when my life is so blessed, but that is the reality. It still hurts to face the holidays with only a partial family. I am thankful my two college kids will join us, but still, only seven of us around the table for Christmas dinner? That seems tragic somehow.

Now I understand how my own parents must have felt when I flew the coop for foreign lands. They never complained or made an issue of it, but mercy, this stinks! Back when I had four children under six years old, I used to laugh when those older missionary ladies would sigh and tell me, “Enjoy them, sweetie. They grow up so fast.” It made no sense back when my one goal was to teach them to tie their own shoes, but they were right.

Now that I have whiled away the morning whining over what can’t be changed, I really must get back to the “to do” list. The trouble with time speeding up all of a sudden is that I can’t find enough hours to properly prepare the Bible study in Spanish for Fridays. What was I thinking when I committed to do that?

Then there’s the progressive dinner for the MK teens I volunteered to help host, and the chime choir to direct for different Christmas programs, the short story I had hoped to submit for the WOTH Writer’s blog, and the prayer letter that needs to be written and sent before the end of the year. I expect some of you are in the same dilemma. Maybe you aren’t even reading this until weeks after it was posted. I understand.

IRL* Like it or not, December has begun, the fastest month of the year.
Another book suggestion for your Amazon wish list: A Lantern in Her Hand, by Bess Streeter Aldrich, my all-time favorite book. She “gets” the too-fast passage of time as well as the challenges of settling far from family and friends.


  1. I hear the clock ticking as well.
    It ticks so loudly at this point, with a 13 year old for a baby!


    May your December be filled with grace upon grace!

  2. Back at ya, Susan! Grace upon grace. I like that.

  3. ACK!!! I can tell it's coming...mostly when I see other friends with l.i.t.t.l.e.s. and I use the phrase, "when mine were that young" - instantly my brain slaps me and I gasp for breath thinking DANG - we're all old now!!!


    I hope the end of year is sweet in it's own NEW way and the jet lag isn't too horrid.

    THAT BOOK WAS SOOOOOO SAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  4. Yes, Faith, a bit sad, but the sequel White Bird Flying (I think that's the title) picks up where the first one ends, and it is very encouraging. I just like that she writes prose like it's poetry.

    P.S. You're not old (yet).

  5. Thanks, Jamie. I was talking with someone recently and we agreed that being a missionary is harder now that two of my kids are studying in the US. Half of me feels like it should be somewhere else. And I still have 4 at home! What will it be like when #3, then #4, etc. leave???

  6. Marilyn, some people just sail through these changes and feel very little sadness. Others feel it more acutely. Actually I am fine on a daily basis. My four older kids are exactly where they should be, and I don't necessarily long to be there, since my place is here. For me it's been a gradual adjustment. Only the holidays hit me hard.


Note: Only a member of this blog may post a comment.


Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...