Fiery Darts

Awareness of sin, repentance, walking with God, smooth sailing, suffering, God’s grace, spiritual growth – and the beat goes on, as they say. Throw in a few fiery darts from the enemy during the suffering chapters, and that about covers it. The story of my life.

When am I going to wake up and smell the coffee Kombucha? It’s the same little pesky attacks that trip me up every time. Why can’t I anticipate them and prepare myself for the battle? Instead I freak out at the slightest hint of discomfort and revert to a whiney baby who begs for someone to deliver me out of my troubles.

It’s the continuing saga of the summer furlough (not a vacation) that launched my latest kerfuffle. I’ve become a melodramatic teenager again – on cloud nine one day and in the depths of despair the next, sighing like one of my daughter’s Facebook statuses “I hate my life!” or “Oh, good – Leap Year – one more day of problems this year.” (Actually I made that one up myself.)

Finally I’ve decided it’s time to grow up and move on.

What happened last week was this: I decided all my fretting and finagling was getting me nowhere, so I repented and put my worries back in God’s hands. Within twenty-four hours, we found affordable airline tickets to the U.S. in June, a car to borrow, and an ideal place to live. All was well on cloud nine.

The very next morning we got an early phone call saying no, actually the rental house is not available after all. We’ll have to keep looking for a place to stay this summer. Are you kidding, Lord? What’s this all about?

Way too immediately I welcomed back my former enemy/companion/burden, and spent the next twenty-four hours worrying again. “Woe is me.” Second verse, same as the first, a little bit louder and a littler bit worse.

Just as quickly I realized that:

1. Life is still really, really good, and
2. God has it all in control, and
3. Occasional suffering is good, forcing me further along the road to spiritual growth, and lastly
4. There is an enemy lurking in my head planting incredibly stupid lies.

When I am down (particularly when I am sick), it happens every time. Suffering leads to immediate attack. When I get too busy fretting to analyze the thoughts that ricochet in my brain, I am in trouble. When I sit still and listen to my Father’s voice, the lies become clear.

“He doesn’t care for you.” That’s the biggest one of all. It’s not true! He does care, and He is providing everything I need. Satan is a liar.

I’m simply going to have to trust Him (at least for today). How about you?

IRL* Summer plans are still a bit hazy, but God has it under control.

Can of Worms

There I go getting myself in trouble for thinking too much again. Not that I am blaming anyone, but it is a fact that my dh’s casual remark about possibly buying a house in the U.S. is what triggered my latest conundrum.

First of all, we have never considered such a thing. We are completely settled in Mexico, and with very few exceptions, everything we own is right here under our roof. We live simply and we like it just fine. There are plenty of ministry opportunities to last a lifetime, so retirement has never been a serious option. Once upon a time we half-jokingly promised to die down here so we could keep things affordable and not be a burden on anyone in the States.

Retirement still is not something we consider. What made us think about buying a house is the reality that we are in fact needing to be in the US more often now – possibly every summer – to help care for aging parents, keep in better contact with our supporting churches, see our grown children, and provide stateside job experiences for our three teens before they transition to college and adult life.

With the housing market the way it is, we could conceivably take some inheritance/retirement funds and buy an affordable house or condo. That would remove the agony of finding a place to live each time we take a summer furlough. That would be the biggest blessing of all.

However it also opens all sorts of cans of worms. What kind of place? Where? Everything in me cries out for simplicity. (Read: small and easy to care for) The last thing I want is a big old empty house that needs to be filled and repaired and painted. (We have enough fix-it challenges in our house down here!)

Up until now I have only admired houses from afar. Pinterest has brought it closer to home, but honestly I have never coveted other people’s homes. I figure any discontent over where I live just encourages godly thinking; it makes me long for my heavenly home. Any suffering that makes me look heavenward is a good thing. I can handle a relative lack of beauty and convenience here on earth in this dry old desert home knowing that somehow I have a mansion in the future that is forever – and it will be filled with beauty that eludes me here on earth.

Now suddenly I am approached with a remote possibility of house-hunting, and all sorts of worldly ideas pop into my head. I don’t want just any affordable housing. I want a lovely Pinterestingly decorated place with a lovely garden that I never dreamed of having this side of heaven. Ack. Then I feel guilty for such shallow and selfish ambitions.

Years ago I remember reading that only three things touch the human soul: beauty, pain, and stories. Beauty can’t be a sinful pursuit, then, can it? Somehow through the years I have developed an unhealthy theology that says it is godlier to suffer than to be surrounded by beauty. It’s almost like I fear to be blessed in a material way, lest it draw my heart away from missions and back to the comforts of the U.S.

Any suggestions? How do I keep my eye on the finish line while simultaneously entertaining thoughts of buying into U.S. real estate? Can it be done?

IRL* My can of worms is a sweet dilemma.

Roof Over My Head

Have you ever found yourself in a situation where God didn’t seem to “come through” the way you expected Him to? That’s where I’ve been. Coming to California this summer has proven to be a huge leap of faith. Not that I ever want to put the Creator of the universe in a box, but somehow I tend to expect Him to do certain things just because that’s the way I’ve seen Him work in the past.

In the early years on the field, we moved about once every eight months. For seven years. Do the math. It was enough to drive me over the edge. Then we felt called from Guatemala to move to Oaxaca, Mexico. God miraculously provided a house and the funds to purchase it. We’ve lived there for the past 16 years.

Back in 2002 it became apparent that we needed to take a real furlough and seek help for our youngest daughter who still was not speaking at age four. We sent an email prayer update explaining how we needed a place to live, hopefully someplace that would allow not only seven children, but also three dogs. (Don’t even ask.) Within 24 hours, God had amazingly provided the perfect house. The owner gave us a hugely subsidized rent, and it was affordable. Even the location was ideal.

This summer, again, we had to be stateside for the sake of our family. This time we felt compelled to come to California to be with our two college kids. This time, however, we found no affordable housing whatsoever. All we found was a three-bedroom apartment recently vacated by nine college men. It was fully furnished, largely from dumpster “donations” –and, well, not to sound ungrateful, it was three times more than we had ever paid for any other housing situation, and did I mention it needed a serious cleaning?

Anyway, I kept praying and wondering if there wasn’t surely another place out there that we had simply missed. I sent an email to one of the two friends I have made since we arrived here. Right away she wrote back about a possibility. With that one connection, we met a young couple preparing for the mission field who “just happened” to buy a house even though they can’t move in until August 18, coincidentally two days after our return flight to Mexico.

They had prayed about what to do with this house over the summer, joking, “Maybe God will send a missionary family to Simi Valley, who ‘just happen’ to need housing for two months.” They had dedicated their house to God and asked him to use it. Then they got an email from our mutual friend, and found out about us.

This week we moved to a 2-story house where we will pay exactly what we can afford. Bonus blessings include a barbecue grill, a crock-pot, popcorn maker, dishwasher, and anything we could possibly want or need, including a swimming pool and tennis court run by the Home Owners’ Association. The funny thing is I am not surprised. I am, however, thankful for the month in the apartment just so I can fully appreciate this glorious provision.

How about you? How have you seen God’s faithfulness this week? Or His mercy and His love? We’d all love to hear about it.

IRL*In my Father's house...all the time.