Designated [just-for-me] Gifts

After last week’s negative post, let me admit today that I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE designated gifts! If only everything we need or want would be provided through tangible or designated gifts, we wouldn’t have to worry about how we spend our money, or more accurately, God’s money.

For example, a dear friend (df) blessed me with a gift card to a swanky spa before my son’s wedding last summer. I never would have splurged on a manicure and pedicure at California prices without someone giving me a tangible nudge. Another df designated a gift for use on something personal for the wedding. I bought some underclothing that will last a lot longer than anything Walmart has to offer.

The best haircut I have ever gotten in my life (the one in my profile picture) was a free cut and color (ahem) by a df/supporter in Ohio. Some of my favorite clothes came directly from a df’s closet. There’s nothing like looking good free of guilt.

Maybe we could delve into the “why do I always feel guilty spending money on something personal that I want or need?” issue, but that’s no fun. Feel free to leave comments on this topic if you want. For now I just want to admit that I am a chicken when it comes to buying things, and I am thankful for friends who give me a prod when I need it.

Early in my career, I started to play that dangerous game of comparing myself to the other missionary women, and trying to make adjustments to fit the “image.” Consequently I grew my hair longer, feeling it was a waste to spend money on frequent haircuts. After a couple of years of trying to not appear excessively frumpy, I changed to a short style again. My dmil, bless her heart, advised me never to grow it out again. According to her, long hair wasn’t a good look for me with my non-prominent facial features.

Likewise I went through a phase of minimalizing cosmetics, trying to do without make-up like so many of my colleagues. My mom started discretely giving me Clinique for Christmas, and my dmil offered me Mary Kay cosmetics along with this nugget of wisdom: “Honey, some people can afford to go without make-up… but you are not one of them!”

(I’m not making this up. She honestly verbalized that. Don’t you wish you had a sweet dmil to speak the truth in love when you need it?)

So now I get my hair cut regularly and splurge on make-up to keep from embarrassing the family, but I still agonize over non-thrift store purchases, and greatly prefer when someone gives me a designated “personal” gift so I don’t have to mentally calculate how many audio Bibles that amount of money could have purchased.

Anyone else struggle with the old “Should I - or shouldn’t I?” question when it comes to spending money? Maybe all Christians have an acute sense of stewardship and responsibility, but for missionaries on a limited budget, it’s always an added challenge to spend wisely and to be accountable—without the guilt.

IRL* Clothes, toes and hair aside, all of life is a designated gift when you get right down to it.

Women Who Defy...

Jamie Jo is on her way back to Mexico this week. In order to give her a break, this week's content is provided by the sole respondent (thanks, Karin!) to her request last week to submit their nomination for a woman working cross-culturally that defied the missionary stereotype. Thank you, Diane, for nominating Lil in the comment section of last week's blog--she sounded like an amazing woman!

Here's Karin's nominee:

"Dear Lady"

Our years living in the village in Central Asia were not a beautifying experience for me physically. The water was scarce and hard, the weather had no grace. Summers were baking hot and winters freezing cold with very little heating. Life was primitive with not many body products for sale to smooth rough skin and quench dry brittle hair. If you were willing to haul some beauty products in your suitcase from abroad it could come...if you had the weight allowance.
I still smile at my interesting observation. When we ladies living and working there would come back from our trips from our home countries we would have the newest haircuts, cute clothes and shoes. We even put make-up on daily. Then as time passed, our beauty routines would slowly fade. The hairstyles would become a daily ponytail, the make-up lessened and the clothes would fade. It was the more natural look—at times even leaning towards looking somewhat neglected.

One day a dear lady came to our town. She gathered the women together for a time of visiting and sharing. I vividly remember us sitting in a circle around the typical low table with flat mattresses on the floor with green tea being served in round Chinese printed cups on a brightly printed plastic tablecloth.

She shared from her heart about her personal experiences and difficulties. Then she hit our hearts full on with these words; "In twenty years time you ladies are not going to be the beauties in the world. Your skin is going to be telling a story of many hot summers and cold winters. You would have probably suffered diseases and hardships. Life would have taken its toll on your age." We did not need to hear much more than this. I felt the tears welling up in my eyes. The lump in my throat testified to the truth of what she was saying, as I looked across the table, I did not see one person whose eyes were not full of tears. Life felt harsh, I did feel run down and the mirror did not lie. Yes, when last did I have a good haircut?

She continued: ”But God says you are going to be beautiful to Him in your hearts and souls. You would have walked a life of suffering and faith. You would have endured much. You would be strong in Him. You would be the spiritual giants of this world.” Some of us were wailing now. We were touched to the core. What a beautiful opportunity we had to share our hearts and longings that day to understand one another's needs. We prayed together and were comforted by the beautiful truth of this message.

She then played this song by a group called Delirious:

"FIND ME IN THE RIVER...find me in the river find me on my knees. I've walked against the water now I'm waiting if you please. We've long to see the roses but never felt the thorns and bought our pretty crowns but never paid the price.

Find me in the river; find me on my knees with my soul laid bare. Even though you are gone and I'm cracked and dry...

Find me in the river...I'm waiting here.

We didn't count on suffering we didn't count on pain but if the blessing is in the valley then in the river I will wait."

...see sidebar to click on the YouTube screen to hear it.

Looking back, now almost twelve years ago, I fondly but thoughtfully carry this message in my heart. I do think the weather and difficulties of life have taken its toll on my age and physique. But I do hope that one day I can look into the mirror of my heart and see myself as He sees me. It is true: physical beauty fades with time. But I do believe what lasts are those beauties in our hearts: the choice we make to forgive, to turn the other cheek, to walk the extra mile, to do without some things so someone else can have, giving to others from ourselves more than what we hoped or planned.

These things then would be the true jewels in our hearts.

Missionaryesque

“They laugh alike, they walk alike, at times they even talk alike.

You can lose your mind!”

This silly song has been running through my head for days. If you were born before 1970, you might recognize it from watching reruns of the black and white TV series called “The Patty Duke Show” about two identical cousins. Yeah, like that is even possible, right?

What triggered this endless tune was a comment I saw on the WOTH Writer’s Blog where one of the readers coined the term “Missionaryesque” in her comment. She inspired a topic that could be a future book title: Missionary Stereotypes and the Women Who Defy Them.

When I first landed in Guatemala in August 1986, my mental image of a true missionary was pretty much everything I wasn’t. She was quiet, even bordering on mousey, very subservient and a bit plain, with no trace of make-up or styled hair. I also had vivid impressions of the taboos—things she would never think, say, or do. Where exactly these ideas came from, I have no idea, but it didn’t take me 24 years to figure out that a “typical” missionary is as fictional as identical cousins.

One of the greatest blessings of attending the WOTH Furlough Retreat last summer was getting to meet 99 unique women with diverse talents and personalities. If you look at the photo from my very first IRL blog, you can see that each one was a true beauty from the inside out. Some were enduring epic battles, and still managed to glow as we worshiped God together. I noticed that same quality at the infamous women’s retreat I helped organized this past spring. A group the world might not glance twice at, but who possess a deep inexplicable beauty and charm.

What I propose this week is a “Women Who Defy” Hall of Fame.

I want you to nominate a woman missionary and tell us how she has touched your life, how she is different from any other “woman of the harvest,” and how she does and says things that defy your earlier impressions of how a missionary should act. (For security reasons you might not want to include their full name or country of service.)

As I’m cleaning house, packing bags, saying goodbye to my two college kids again, and then returning to Mexico on the 16th, I look forward to taking a break from the blog and reading your nominations. Please submit them to editor@womenoftheharvest.com and we’ll start posting them next week. I’m counting on you to provide the content for next week…so please defy the stereotype and contribute!

IRL* Debunking Missionaryesqueness