Wednesday, February 20, 2013
Out of the Fog and Back on My Knees
Maybe this is what separates me from the big time writers and speakers: I still can't reconcile my personal life with my (very limited) public life.
How to the "real" writers do it? How do they keep writing, talking, and encouraging others when they have dry times spiritually, when God seems silent, and when relationships are sticky? I picture them firmly on the pedestal where I have placed them, continuing faithfully in the Word, trusting God in prayer, and finding spiritual applications to share with us average Christians who are slogging our way through life's difficulties.
Somehow as much as I want to be "real" with you here, I keep slipping into my preferred stance as an expert-wannabe, and then I groan when "being real" forces me to acknowledge that I am in the same trenches with you, fighting similar battles. The glitch is that I can't freely share the nature of my battles, since the story involves some seriously messed up, intertwined lives. People would be hurt if I broadcast our squabbles on a public forum like this.
With my apologies for being so vague, let me just say that after a prolonged conflict, I feel like the end is in sight. It's been a doozy, let me tell you! For the past few weeks, I have decided to stop making excuses for sticking my head in the sand, and I've started spending one solid hour in prayer every day, almost without fail. As a result, I am seeing answered prayer and breakthroughs in the battle. Maybe next time I won't be so slow to return to the Power Source.
Rather than reprinting the story here, you can read about a similar lesson in prayer on my personal blog, Memories and Musings from Mexico: Mixed-up Prayers. It's a true story that happened in Guatemala after my third son was born in 1989. Back then the only time I could be quiet and alone for devotions was when the baby woke up to be fed at 2:00 A.M.
That's what I'm trying to do again, meet with God for a solid hour when the rest of the family is asleep. Nothing needs to be done in the middle of the night. The phone isn't going to ring, no neighbors will be stopping by; the only thing I am missing is sleep. It seems to be harder in my 50's than it was in my 20's, but it's still just as vital to sacrifice whatever it takes to have time to talk to God and listen for my daily marching orders.
Do tell, how do you carve out a private time and place to meet with the Lord each day? Surely there's a better solution that doesn't involve crawling out of bed in the wee hours of the morning. Please share!
IRL: It's good to be out of the fog and back on my knees again in earnest.