Purple Cow

After all I said about our oddities, when will I ever just grow up and recognize that it's okay to be different? Maybe this is another people-pleasing/ pride issue that I battle daily, but as I get older I still struggle with comparisons.

I'll never forget the time I sent out one of my earlier email ministry updates full of fluff and family nonsense. When I clicked "send and receive" (remember when those things didn't used to be automatic?), in came a prayer letter from a very articulate, erudite, "real" missionary (as opposed to a stay-at-home mom). The contrast was downright embarrassing. He was exegeting /exegesising (?) Scripture, and challenging his readers. Okay, I didn't understand half of what he said, but he said it so well! It's a wonder I didn't give up writing forever.

Just to torture myself, I went back and reread my opening paragraph in the letter this same man would be receiving from me. I had begun with a silly observation about a small herd of cows the local priest had blessed and painted purple. It made me remember the old children's poem, which I quoted in my ridiculous never-should-have-sent email:

I never saw a purple cow

I never hope to see one

But I can tell you anyhow

I'd rather see than be one.

Yep, folks, I actually started my update by admitting my remorse over never being able to honestly quote that poem again.

The comparison made me want to crawl under my bed and cry. From that day on, I'm not sure my prayer letters were ever quite as light-hearted. This blog is therapeutic for me, because I can be myself and not feel the need to defend my existence on the mission field, even if my ministry isn’t as “out there” as some.

Honestly, though, isn’t it a pain to write a ministry update on those months when it’s just the same ol’, same ol’ stuff? What more can we tell the folks back home about our life that has become mundane?

IRL*I have seen the purple cow...

Oddity

"What’s your oddity?"

A rather odd missionary I know uses this line as a regular ice-breaker. I like it. We all have our weird quirks, both physically and personality-wise. The missionary community, in case you haven’t noticed, is full of interesting characters. Uniqueness is the common denominator among us.

For me, my physical oddity is readily apparent IRL. I look like I am five or six months pregnant. After seven children and four major abdominal surgeries, my body boasts loudly of its abuse. There is no hiding it.

Mom, in her good ol’ southern accent, always taught me, “If you can’t hide it, flaunt it!” Nonetheless, I refuse to flaunt this fat. I try my hardest to suck it in, which is impossible, and I always strategically place myself behind someone in photos. Going to the U.S., the land of mirrors and cameras galore, is a “unique challenge” I do not relish.

Personality-wise, maybe you’ve discovered my quirk. I tend to blab my short-comings before people have a chance to discover them on their own. Somehow that takes away the sting of being proven flawed or imperfect. Sounds dumb, I know, but there you have it.

How about you? What’s your personal oddity? Do share. Probably you are no more effective IRL concealing it than I am this poochy belly of mine.

IRL*one way or another, our oddities will come out...do share!

A Mess Worth Making

Lest you think too harshly of me after my confession about screaming at my kids during my devotions, let me just say that I LOVE my time alone with Jesus. Since that episode, I’ve learned that I have to get up very early in the morning to be assured an actual “quiet” time free of interruptions.

Daily I am amazed at the contrast between how clean and holy I feel during that precious hour alone with the Lord and the ickiness I feel when the inevitable muck is slung on my heart as the day progresses, and I interact with those around me. Emotional clutter accumulates quickly.

It makes me think of a book sitting on the shelf, which I still haven’t read, titled: Relationships: A Mess Worth Making. It also brings to mind a classic statement once uttered by my dmil* (dear mother-in-law—you see I hate those in-law terms!) who has been single for 34 years now. She was visiting us in Mexico for several weeks, and had become annoyed at how we seemingly bring out the worst in her.

It’s forever etched in my memory the way she blurted out how hard it is to be a Christian when surrounded by Christians. Truer words were never spoken. Hopefully, I didn’t laugh outright. Instead I said something more like, “Okay, let me get this straight. It’s easier to be a good Christian when you live all alone and can do everything when and how you want to do it?”

No duh! I’m a wonderful Christian, too, every morning—at least until the rest of the family wakes up. Then it gets messy.

They say that the number one reason missionaries leave the field is due to interpersonal conflicts. I’m not budging, but this last week was a doozy for me, relationship-wise. Someone sent a rather hostile email to me, copying several other people, making some very unkind and unfounded accusations about me. Wounded and weary (still eating only fruits and vegetables, after all!), I hoped someone besides my husband would vindicate me.

None did. If only we could all walk according to the Spirit, and not the flesh, and get along biblically and in love the way we should. In a perfect world…. *Sigh*

Today my prayer is that all of us will grow in grace, learning to love the very ones who rub us wrong. I am thankful to call my friends some who may consider me difficult and odd, and many others who send me to the dictionary to look up such words as “pugnacious” (don’t you love that word?) and “bellicose” so I can call them something intelligent under my breath.

IRL*It is easier to be a good Christian when you live all alone and can do everything when and how you want to do it...but I think I'd miss the mess.

*please refer to sidebar dictionary [Jamie Jo-speak] for the definitions of starred items!